Have you ever been in a dream that you never want to wake up from? One you wouldn't mind falling into forever? Maybe it's exciting or peaceful or you are surrounded by the best people, maybe you are learning something, something you could not learn while waking, maybe it just feels right to be there. It's not even that everything in the dream is good or perfect but it is so worth holding onto and "pushing through it" to see what happens. Do you know that pushing feeling? The one you get when you start to pull out from those dreams and you push to keep on sleeping so that you can keep it going? I don't know, maybe I just have a weird relationship with sleep.
On March 18, 2009 I fell into something that felt just like one of those dreams. I was able to spent my time with some of the most wonderful people and I received my first companion. It was exciting, it was peaceful, I was learning things that I could not have learned easily in what I had always felt was real life. It felt right to be there. And it wasn't that everything was good or perfect, but it was so worth holding onto and "pushing through it" to see what was going to happen. It was other worldly, on so many levels and in the best way. The smells, the sights, the people, the feelings. That dream became my reality for the next 18 months of my life. The cosmos shifted and what seemed like "real life" before faded into a distant dream, one I was so glad to wake up from. My reality was more solid, certain and eternal than it had ever been. I expanded, and a little world inside me was born. There is nothing through out all eternity that can undo that birth. It is so real.
Interestingly enough, I had a mission companion describe coming home like "entering into a weird dream where all these things just keep happening to you" (here's looking at you Picard). Returning home felt so surreal and imagined. It didn't feel like home at all. I was anxious to wake up, for things to be real again. There was no shifting of the cosmos this time. There was happiness and a wide array of emotion, but no worlds were born. Things did not seem solid or certain or eternal. They just were. I just was. Days would pass and things just kept "happening to me". So much of it felt forced.
On December 28, 2014 I wrote a blog that none of you read, because I never published it. The bulk of it was too personal and too revealing, but I will share this:
"Four years after returning from my mission and roughly three years after losing my entire self (an entire self that I quite liked) I finally feel like I am coming home. It looks different than I thought home would look, but it feels just the same. It feels peaceful and whole and solid. I have never really believed in soul mates or destinies. I didn't find either. But I do believe in best friends and coming home. And found both.
On March 18, 2015 I stepped into a second dream. The ones you never want to wake up from. I was able to spent my time, on that day and every day since, with some of the most wonderful people and I chose my last, final and eternal companion. It is exciting, it is peaceful, I am learning things that I could not have learned easily in what I had feared had become real life. It feels right to be here. And it's not that everything is good or perfect, but it is so worth holding onto and "pushing through it" to see what's going to happen next. It is other worldly, on so many levels and in the best way. That dream has become my reality for the rest of my life. The cosmos have shifted once more and what seemed like "real life" has faded into a distant dream, one I am so glad to have woken up from. My reality is more solid, certain and eternal than it has ever been. I have expanded, and another world inside me has been born. There is nothing through out all eternity that can undo that birth. It is so real.
It has been and continues to be more and better than I ever could have imagined. I expected a decent husband, I got a celestial one. I cannot brag enough of the kindness, service and effort this man puts into me. I love him so much and so much more with every passing moment. And, I will never have to try to "come home" from this one. I have entered in to the most wonderful eternal dream with so many more adventures to have, growth to be made and worlds to be born.